A Few More Words …

Stuart used to write a section for the newsletter called A Few Words. I thought I would continue the tradition in my own way with A Few More Words.

I dream about Stuart all the time. In the dreams, we’re talking, working on classes, planning things, or just interacting normally. Then, somewhere in the middle of it, I suddenly remember that he died, and I keep saying, “How do we tell everyone that you’re not dead?” He never reacts much to it. He just calmly says not to worry about it, like it’s no big deal, and continues being himself.

I’m not saying this because I think it’s something mystical or special, or that Stuart is “visiting” me in dreams. But I do think it reflects something true about how I experience all of this now. In many ways, it doesn’t really feel like Stuart stopped teaching.

We have years of recorded talks, classes, workshops, and courses from him. We can still sit down and learn from him directly. His voice, personality, humor, and teaching are all still there. Sometimes I’ll listen to an old class and catch something I missed before, or think about what he is saying in a new way.

After I had studied with Stuart for a few years and attended many of his classes and workshops, I remember telling him I felt like I’d heard him say the same things a hundred times already. He laughed and said, “And maybe if you hear them a thousand more times, you’ll actually learn something.” We both laughed, but he was serious. Master Liang had told him the same thing.

The older I get, the more I think that’s true.

We don’t absorb things the first time we hear them. Even after hearing something many times, it’s never really the same because we are not the same person each time we hear it. We go through different experiences, struggles, losses, and realizations. Hopefully, we become a little wiser over time, but I don’t think wisdom has much to do with memory or intelligence.

I think a lot of it comes down to being less resistant.

Our arrogance, assumptions, and attachment to what we think we already know prevent us from actually learning deeply. The more open and contemplative we can become—like how we learn to contemplate Taoist texts in meditation practice—the more something can actually enter us. The spirit absorbs differently than the intellect does.

In the end, a lot of practice comes down to getting out of our own way and fighting our own ego. If we can keep listening openly to teachings and wisdom we care about, over and over again, eventually they stop being just ideas we understand intellectually and start becoming part of who we are.

Stuart used to say that the only thing that carries with us after death is our intuition, and that intuition develops through the wisdom our spirit acquires over a lifetime.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately because I’m able to listen to Stuart’s talks again. It’s different from how I used to listen to them because now I’m contemplating what he says with my spirit. I feel about his talks with the same gratitude I’ve always felt for his translations of spiritual texts and teachings. To me, that’s what they are.

—Patrick